Donna's work often starts with mums, mums who might be shouting at their children, scared of them, or watching them withdraw or explode. Part of her practice is to pull at that thread and follow it back, sometimes to attachment wounds, sometimes to the couple relationship. But sometimes the thread leads somewhere outside her lane, into the body's own chemistry. That is where Helen comes in.
The question Donna brought to this session: why are more and more mums presenting with sensitive nervous systems, struggling with anger, or with a fogginess that makes it hard to think clearly?
Helen's background is nineteen years in psychiatry and mental health. She now works as a Health Improvement Practitioner, and her lens is biology, where Donna's is attachment and psychology. Both agree these are not separate threads at all.
- Talk therapy is wonderful, but if someone eats takeaways every night, stays up until 2am, and never sees daylight, therapy alone has far less chance of helping them get well.
- Chronic stress and fight or flight, especially rooted in early childhood trauma, affects the nervous system, the hormonal system, and the immune system. Over time this raises the likelihood of weight gain, mental health struggles, and other metabolic issues.
- Helen's approach is to support the biology first, food, movement, sleep, and nutrients, so the brain has what it needs before layering in psychological tools.
In studies of people diagnosed as moderately to severely depressed, one group received education on a modified Mediterranean diet (whole grains, olive oil, nuts and seeds) while another received social support. After three months, around a third of the diet group no longer met the criteria for depression.
It is easy to assume someone eating poorly simply lacks motivation or organisation. What the research actually shows is that when people are given real opportunity and support, many make significant changes, and they stick with them because they feel the difference.
Helen pointed to the work of Professor Julia Rucklidge, whose research looks at high dose, specially formulated multivitamins and their impact on depression in pregnant women, ADHD symptoms, autism related irritability and emotional regulation, and PTSD symptoms.
Why some people are more deficient than others
- Stress itself uses up more vitamins and minerals.
- Illness increases the body's use of zinc.
- Life stages such as puberty and pregnancy raise nutritional demand.
- Soil quality matters, New Zealand soil is naturally low in selenium, so even a genuinely healthy diet may leave gaps.
- Genetics affect how well some people process certain vitamins and minerals.
A New Zealand study of people admitted to psychiatric units found around 74% had below recommended vitamin D levels, notable given how much sunshine we have.
On testing
It is genuinely not easy to know exactly what your body is short of.
- Standard blood tests only check a handful of nutrients, commonly B12, folate, iron, and sometimes vitamin D, and often cost extra.
- A result "within the normal range" does not mean it is optimal for you, the reference range simply reflects where about 95% of the population falls.
- The body pulls nutrients from reserves, such as calcium from bone, to keep blood levels looking normal, which can mask a real deficiency.
- Comparing a current result to a past test, say B12 from three years ago, can tell you more than a single reading on its own.
Practical starting points from Helen: Ask your GP specifically for vitamin D, B12, folate, and iron testing, and always get checked if your mood is a concern, since low iron (common in menstruating women) can mimic depression and disrupt sleep, and thyroid changes can affect mood and motivation. If testing is not accessible, a good quality, high dose multivitamin trialled for a few weeks can be a reasonable starting point, it does not need to be forever. Food should still come first wherever possible, partly for what it does for the gut microbiome, which helps metabolise nutrients and even helps manufacture B12.
Note: the specific high dose formulation used in Rucklidge's research (Daily Essential Nutrients, by Hardy Nutritionals) has been reclassified by Medsafe as an unapproved medicine in New Zealand. It can still be bought with a doctor's letter or prescription, or imported directly from the company overseas. Helen is happy to share further details directly.
Donna connected Helen's biological picture to her own attachment based framework of personality needs, needs that were missed in childhood. When unmet, the subconscious drives us toward the fastest available way to meet them rather than a consciously chosen one.
- Behaviours like takeaway food, bingeing on Netflix, or excessive screen time are not failures of willpower, they are often the body's fastest route to meeting an underlying need such as comfort or emotional connection.
- Once someone identifies which need is driving the behaviour, they can meet it consciously and more sustainably.
- This reframes what looks like self sabotage as the body's attempt to find homeostasis from something missing in childhood.
On masking, particularly for women
Many women learned to mask as children to fit in, without realising it, some believe the masked version is simply who they are. The coping strategies that once regulated their nervous system, running, the gym, dancing, anything moving that sympathetic energy, often become unavailable once a child is attached to them. Sleep deprivation plus the loss of that old regulation strategy can show up as sudden or confusing changes in mood or behaviour. It is not a personal failing, it is a need to relearn homeostasis in a new life stage, and it helps to remember that children have nervous systems too. Regulating both at once, such as a family walk, takes the pressure off everyone.
A framework for coming back to basics, again and again.
| 1 | Nutrition. What are you eating? It does not require an overhaul, start with one small thing, one more vegetable, or simply eating more regularly. Low blood sugar contributes to mood swings, energy crashes, and anxiety. Try writing down what you eat for three or four days and looking at it honestly. |
| 2 | Movement. Around 28 to 30% of people who start moving regularly report improved mood. It does not need to be a gym session, playing with the kids, going outside, or vigorous vacuuming all count. Fifteen minutes a day is enough to start improving mental health. If motivation is the barrier, break it down as small as needed, could I just walk to the letterbox? |
| 3 | Sleep and rest. Going to bed even half an hour earlier can meaningfully change the next day. Rest is not the same as scrolling, doomscrolling and social media comparison often trigger the nervous system rather than restore it. True rest is whatever actually restores you, if you feel more drained afterward, it likely was not real rest. Sunlight also supports the circadian rhythm, so getting outside matters even without formal exercise. |
How to use the triangle
- Assess objectively, is one side more lopsided than the others right now?
- Start small, consistent small increments are more likely to become lasting habits than big overhauls.
- Return to it regularly, when feeling off or irritable, ask what have I nurtured or not nurtured in the last few days, then choose one small adjustment.
This is not a complete fix for everything, but it is a grounding, repeatable starting point.
Donna shared her own experience, her husband's severe snoring improved through a high protein, low carb diet and a consistent 10pm bedtime, to the point where it stopped altogether. The shared benefit as a couple was better sleep, better mood, and better tolerance of daily stress. The real breakthrough was the plan itself, a set weekly shop and simple, repeatable meals, removing the daily decision fatigue of what to cook. Helen's reflection, find the one small thing that is realistic for your life, even something as modest as a smoothie for breakfast can start a positive cascade.
- Works as a Health Improvement Practitioner in Whakatāne, free to access through a GP referral. Ask your GP if they have a health improvement practitioner or health coach on site.
- Privately, online or face to face in Ōhope, via the GP clinic there.
- May be accessible through workplace EAP schemes, including Ignite and others.
- Runs a course called Changing Lives, covering the conversation to have with your GP, food and mood, nutrients, and psychological tools for wellbeing.
- Website, www.onelifenz.com, and a podcast on YouTube.
"There are many ways up the mountain. Find the person you attune to. This sense of relationship and safety is where you're going to find your grounding, your starting place, and then it all unravels from there."
— Donna Stichbury
