Feeling overwhelmed as a mum? You are not doing it wrong.
You love them deeply, and some mornings still feel like you have failed before the day has even begun. I help mums find their way back to themselves, and to their children, one gentle step at a time.
No pressure and no need to have it all figured out.
Where would you like to begin?
If you are in overwhelm, you do not need to read this whole page. Pick the one that sounds most like you.
"I am overwhelmed and I just need someone to talk to."
Come to a relaxed Zoom coffee chat. We talk about what is happening for your child and for you, and we find a first step together.
Book a coffee chat →"I keep losing it with my kids, and I hate how it feels."
HELD is a ten week online course for mothers of children aged two to twelve. Gentle, reflective, and at your pace.
Explore HELD →"I have a new baby and everything feels different."
Support from the very first weeks. We find your own ways to settle, and learn to answer your baby's small signals.
Book a coffee chat →"My partner and I keep having the same argument."
Why Can't We Just Talk? A communication course for when you struggle to say what you need, or feel misheard.
Find out more →Not sure which one? That is completely okay. Book a coffee chat and we will work it out together. Teacher or educator? See the workshops.
If you are ever in crisis or feel unsafe, please call or text 1737 (free, any time, in Aotearoa New Zealand), or call 111 in an emergency.
Does this sound familiar?
You know what connection feels like, because you crave it. But in the hard moments, something hijacks you. You say things you don't mean. You can't reach your child. You can't reach yourself.
You've read the books. You know the theory. But knowing and doing feel like two different worlds.
You're not failing. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do. And with the right support, it can learn something new.
"I love my children so much so why do I keep losing it with them?"
"I know what I should do. But in the moment I just can't get there."
"After the kids are in bed I feel so guilty. I don't want to feel this way anymore."
"I just want to feel like myself again, calm, connected and present."
What we all need. Someone to see us without changing us.
About Donna
Hi, I'm Donna.
I'm a Relationship Facilitator, creator of HELD, and the founder of Relational Flow.
I have now completed my Pikler training in Budapest and graduated as a PIKLER® Pedagogue. It is a pedagogy built on deep respect for the child and on being truly present with them. I bring that, through a trauma informed lens, into everything I do with the mothers I work with and the children they love.
I work with mothers who are doing everything they can and still feeling like it's not enough. I have been every person I now sit with. The misunderstood child. The healing adult. The angry mum, the overgiving teacher, the burnt out leader who had no idea her attachment wounds and needs even existed.
I did this work because I love my children and my husband. I wanted the intergenerational trauma to stop with me. Not because someone told me to. Because I chose to. For them. And eventually, for myself too.
What I know is this: you were never broken. You were a sensitive person in conditions that didn't understand you. Those conditions are changing. You are changing them.
Mauri Aroha 🌿
Read my full story
Which kind of support fits your family?
There is no wrong door. I draw on several ways of working, because families are different and so are the seasons they go through.
None of this is about guilt or shame. Many families carry things that have been passed down through the generations, and this is a way of seeing what is already there.
"They hold it together at school, then fall apart at home."
Relational Flow
A softer way of working for families moving through challenging seasons. We notice the small signals, read what state you and your child are each in, and weave and coregulate the attachment styles present in your family, so everyone feels more secure. A trained facilitator guides you.
Chat about this"Everyday care feels rushed, and we are always one step behind."
Respectful, unhurried care
This comes from my Pikler training. Watch before stepping in, let your child lead where you can, and treat them as capable. It is a calm base for routines like feeding, sleep, dressing and play.
Chat about this"I react in ways I do not understand, and I do not like it."
Attachment mentoring
A child's behaviour can touch something old in us. We look at where your own reactions come from, so you can respond instead of react.
Chat about this"We are exhausted and I cannot work out why."
Finding the hidden stress
Some stress is hidden. It sits in the background of daily life, quietly using up your energy and your child's, and it is hard to see from the inside. Sometimes you need someone beside you to help find it. We look at what stress looks like in your body and your child's, and how to come back to yourself. Feeling steady is not about staying calm. It is about staying connected to yourself.
Chat about this"Something deeper keeps showing up."
Interplay, for deeper work
At its deeper levels, Interplay is used to work with trauma, under expert supervision. I am an Interplay facilitator and can do this work under supervision. First I take a full history, to see whether it would suit your family.
Chat about thisPrefer to begin in a group, or in your own time?
Online course for mothers
HELD
A ten week online course for mothers of children aged two to twelve. A gentle, self reflective journey into being your child's witness, anchor and guide. It is not a parenting manual.
Explore HELDCommunication course
Why Can't We Just Talk?
For partners, parents, adult children or friends caught in the same arguments again and again. We look at your repeating patterns, the core wounds beneath them, and how to say what you need without setting them off. Educational, not therapy.
Find out moreWorkshops
Workshops for parents, educators and early childhood teams
From understanding what lies beneath challenging behaviour, to the seven workshop suite for early childhood centres. Book one, or take them together.
See the workshopsSupport that grows with your child
Small things can grow as children grow. So the support grows too, and it begins with you in the very first weeks.
New mum, new baby
A new life, and new ways to settle
This is the first time you have been a mum, and your whole life is changing. Sleep, body, identity, time, the people around you. Sometimes this new life unsettles the ways you used to calm yourself. That is not a failing. We find your pathways to regulation as a parent, and we learn to notice and answer your baby's small signals with responsive, unhurried care.
Toddlerhood
A mum with a past
Big feelings arrive, and your own body may react before you can think. That charge is often your own history brushing up against something familiar. It does not make you a bad mum. It makes you a mum with a past, and a past can be understood.
School age
Seeing what is there in real life
"They hold it together at school, then fall apart at home." We spend time together, and real life shows us what is underneath for you and your child. If a rupture happens, I co-regulate with you and hold you and your children until everyone has found regulation again. Then we ponder and wonder together.
Teenagers
A growing edge
Teenagers are a growing edge in my work. The foundation stays the same and your own journey carries on, so families with teens are welcome to start with a conversation.
At any stage, if needed
Deeper work
If something deeper keeps showing up, I am an Interplay facilitator and can do deeper work under supervision. First I take a full history, to see whether it would suit your family.
Your own journey runs the whole way
You do not have to know where to start. We work it out together. Adults always bring their own experiences into the parenting space. So alongside the family work, every parent I work with in Relational Flow also completes an attachment wounds and needs assessment. It helps you see where your reactions come from, so you can move from reacting to responding. This is attachment mentoring, and I work with adults and with couples.
On your own
Attachment mentoring for you, as an adult. We look at where your reactions come from, and how to stay connected to yourself.
As a couple
Support for the two of you to parent together, and to repair after a rupture.
You do not have to know which one
- A coffee chat, wherever you are. A relaxed Zoom conversation about your child and you. Families come at any stage, and nothing has been missed.
- An assessment for each parent. An attachment wounds and needs assessment, done alongside the family work. It is not a test, and it is not about blame.
- A fuller history, if it is needed. If something deeper seems to be there, we take a full history first to see whether the deeper work would suit your family.
- Guidance all the way. Every Relational Flow practitioner works under guidance, however experienced, because none of us can see our own blind spots.
If we reach the edge of what Relational Flow can hold, nobody has done anything wrong. We name it together, and you are handed on warmly to the right support.
Want to talk it through?
Book a relaxed Zoom coffee chat with me. There is no pressure, and no need to have it all figured out.
Book a coffee chator write to [email protected]
This work complements your child's health professionals. It is not a diagnosis, medical advice or a replacement for assessment. If you have any concern about a child's safety, please follow your usual processes.
You don't have to do this alone
The work begins when you feel ready. And you're here, which means part of you already is.
Wherever you want to start, there is a place for you here.
Book a coffee chat